If you’ve ever escaped a relationship with a narcissist, you know full well the devastating effect it can have on your self-esteem and spirit.
For some of us, it only takes one encounter with a narcissist for us to draw some serious boundaries and never go there again.
But for others, we seem to exert a magnetic pull, attracting narcissists in the form of so-called “friends,” romantic relationships, coworkers, and acquaintances again and again.
Here are three reasons why you may attracting narcissists into your life without even realizing it.
1. You Have Low Permission Levels
“Permission levels are an internal threshold we set for ourselves that determine the amount of happiness, success, love, and abundance we allow ourselves to experience,” explains Cara Steinmann, co-founder of GloWell and certified meditation and mindfulness coach.
Basically, your internal permission levels are like a barometer that dictates whether you’re allowed to be happy, confident, wealthy, worthy, etc.
If you have high permission levels, you’re likely to have high-functioning relationships with healthy boundaries (and healthy partners).
On the other hand, if your permission levels are low, you’re more likely to attract a lot of drama and dysfunction to your life.
Here’s the thing about permission levels.
You may have low permission levels and not even know it.
Because your permission levels are set in your subconscious mind.
To further complicate matters, you may have high permission levels in some areas of your life, like around work and finances, for example, and have low permission levels in other areas of your life, such as romantic relationships.
So you could be someone who has high self-worth and confidence in many aspects of your life, working in your dream career, being a leader or mentor to other people, attracting financial abundance in droves…
Yet have low permission levels in other areas.
And that’s where the narcissists will seek to fill the void, playing on your low permission levels and manipulating you into their game.
Recommended Reading: Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza
2. You are an Empath
If anyone was ever going to be soul candy for a narcissist, it’s an empath.
Empaths are extremely sensitive, perceptive people and often driven to heal others. They tend to see the good in other people, the “higher-self” hidden within.
Unfortunately, empaths often tend to put their own wants, needs, and desires on the back burner as they turn their attention to loving, healing, and fixing others.
Enter the narcissist: someone with an inflated sense of entitlement who needs to feel desired, adored, admired, and exalted.
The empath falls prey to classic narcissistic behavior such as gaslighting and derailment.
It’s a match made in hell.
If you are an empath or highly sensitive person, you’re the only one who will be able to stop this pattern of narcissistic abuse. Because the narcissists in your life aren’t going to wake up one day and realize they’ve been taking advantage of you, neglecting your needs, and putting you through the emotional ringer.
Know that you’re attracting narcissists because of this beautiful aspect of your Self. (Being an empath is a gift!) Start practicing boundaries. Enter relationships with eyes wide open, and don’t make excuses for behavior that doesn’t honor you.
Recommended Reading: Boundary Boss by Terri Cole
3. You Have a Narcissistic Parent
If you are the child of a narcissistic parent, you are very likely repeating patterns learned in childhood as an adult.
Narcissists make shitty parents.
There’s no way to sugarcoat it.
Children of narcissists are programmed from an early age to believe that their own needs don’t matter. Their sole purpose is to validate, acknowledge, and meet the needs of others. Because in any relationship with a narcissist, including a parent-child relationship, there can only be one person whose needs and feelings matter.
Children of narcissists are trained not to value or acknowledge their boundaries and deny their own needs to be loved.
In short, being a child of a narcissist can leave you with shattered self-esteem, a lack of boundaries, and deep trauma.
Which is highly attractive to the narcissist.
Underneath their layers of external charm, internal need for attention and validation, and manipulative behavior, a narcissist is hiding a fragile and vulnerable ego.
Like attracts like.
Recommended: Read How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera.
How to Stop Attracting Narcissists
Narcissists simply aren’t attracted to people with a strong sense of self-worth and firm clearly-stated boundaries.
Whether you’re a child of a narcissist, an empath, or have low internal permission levels in your relationship areas, you don’t have to attract this kind of manipulation into your life.
Start standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, and healing from your past traumas. Do the work alone, with the support of a community, under the guidance of a coach, or with a licensed therapist.
Because one narcissistic relationship is enough.
You deserve better.