Where in your life are you feeling stuck and unsatisfied?
As we all know, life is not perfect. It will never be perfect. But for many of us, life could be so much better, free from the frustration and unhappiness that so many of us feel.
You may not realize it, but all too often the cause for our dissatisfaction comes not from our external circumstances, but from deep within our subconscious minds. As tiny children, we all begin to get sub-consciously programmed by the way we are parented and the experiences of childhood. For far too many of us, there may be a lack of sufficient nurturing or aggressive discipline that leads to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. For others, overt shows of affection and love are not forthcoming which can lead to feeling unlovable which gives rise to feelings of unworthiness or a sense that you’re different or imperfect. Whatever the underlying reason, coming out of childhood feeling less than, unlovable, different, or fearful will carry into your adult life. Since it is the subconscious mind that runs the show, it only follows that the inner child within you will be in charge of your belief system, thought processes, and the external circumstances brought on by those thoughts and beliefs.
Does this mean you are doomed to always feel this way? Will you never find your way to a life that is satisfying and fulfilling? Will you remain so afraid of failure that you will remain glued to an unhappy existence? The answer is an unequivocal no! If you really want to change, you can by following these four steps to release those subconscious trappings.
4 Steps to Move from Unfulfilled to Thriving in Your Life
1. Embrace Forgiveness
In order to begin your transformation, it is important to embrace forgiveness.
Begin with forgiving your parents first. Remember, they were once little children being programmed by their experiences. What they brought to their parenting was skewed by their subconscious programming. Yes, it hurt you and limited you in many ways. But it was likely not their intention to hurt you. If you forgive them, you can liberate yourself from anger and resentment and even eliminate passive-aggressive behavior on your part.
Second, you need to forgive yourself.
Beating yourself up over past mistakes and decisions will not release you to move forward. It will keep you stuck. Now that you have made a commitment to change, let go of the part of you that you are angry with and resentful toward. The journey starts with self-acceptance. That is the fuel that will enable you to stay on the path of self-transformation.
2. Reprogram Your Beliefs
Reprogramming is the most important part of actually changing your thinking and moving past limiting beliefs.
Right now, if you are afraid to try new things because you believe you’ll just fail or you stay in hurtful or unsatisfying relationships because you don’t think anyone can truly love you, etc., I promise you with consistency, those beliefs will die.
Think of anything you wish you would have heard when you were growing up that would have made you a more secure and healthy adult and turn them into affirmations. Things like, “I love you”, “You are the greatest”, “You can accomplish anything you set your mind to”, “I trust your judgement”, etc.
Choose affirmations that fit your circumstances and your needs. Then, you must repeat them to yourself over and over and over again. Much the same way you can develop a muscular and fit body by exercising over and over and over again until your desired results are achieved, the same holds true here. It may feel odd in the beginning. It might even make you feel anxious. But dig in and keep at it. Anytime you feel challenged during the day, repeat them again.
Over time, with consistent practice, your mind will begin to shift. It’s an amazing phenomenon. The brain believes everything you tell it and acts as if it’s fact. As an adult, you are now in control of the reprogramming process. No one else is.
3. Focus on Your Goals
What do you want out of life? Where or how do you want to see yourself in one year, five years, ten years? Write out all of your desires and goals. Try to be specific so what you wish to work toward, to achieve, to attain is very clear in your mind. Put each goal at the top of a blank page. Underneath that, make a list of everything you would need to accomplish to achieve that one goal. Now, take each one of those entries and break them down into all the parts needed to achieve them. When you have broken down each goal into its smallest parts, you then tackle each “mini” goal one at a time. This will retrain your brain to become systematic AND will give you repeated experiences with success. The other positive is when you are working this way, you will not go into a state of overwhelm which will cause you to freeze and remain stuck. Small things are much more easily accomplished.
4. Don’t Give Up
Practicing your affirmations and tackling your mini-goals is the only way to get to where you wish to be. That means you must do them. Being consistent is the key. When you find yourself making excuses not to do them, that is the time you must push past your comfort zone (the place you live to protect yourself from everything you wish to avoid as an adult) and get to it.
Unfortunately, change is not easy. It forces you to come out of your comfort zone. It is extremely important to understand that if you don’t push yourself, you cannot change things. Staying in your comfort zone guarantees that you will remain stuck. If you think about it, which is worse? The discomfort of change (which is temporary) or the discomfort of remaining stuck (which is permanent)?
The journey is extremely satisfying after the initial period of discomfort. Stay with it and one day you will find yourself looking back at who you used to be and you will revel in the changes you’ve accomplished and feel proud of the person you have become.
Dr. Robert Kornfeld is a life coach and holistic podiatrist based in NYC and Long Island. He is the Founder of Change Your Story Coaching and assists people on their journey to making their dream life happen. Sign up for his email list and get all of his timely and informative articles in your inbox. Are you ready to change your story? Change your life? Contact Dr. Kornfeld at email@example.com.