Don’t buy into the idea that sex is only for the young. Our youth-centric culture can really mess with our self-confidence. Sure, sex is at the forefront of life in our younger days. I remember a time when talking about, looking for, and having sex was practically a full-time job. While that is not the case any longer, sex is still important and a vital component to a long, happy, healthy life.
Of course, there may be some potential obstacles in midlife that didn’t exist in our youth. A loss of libido brought on by menopause or due to illnesses, disabilities, medicines, and surgeries can be viewed as a hurdle. Problems in our relationship, or the lack of a partner due to death or divorce, can also affect our ability to enjoy sex. On the other side of the coin, there’s some great news for women on the sex front in midlife.
Why do I claim that ‘Sex is Better After 50’?
Assuming we’re ‘healthy’ and have a willing partner, there are some awesome circumstances typically encountered after 50 that can really spice up and increase the frequency of sexual encounters.
Pregnancy Scares? Not Here!
While, yes, some women can still get pregnant after 50; it is rare. Removing the specter of our Mother’s warnings: “All it takes is once and you’ll get pregnant!” is liberating.
Did you ever think you could have sex, have a rollicking good time, and NOT have a tinge in the back of your brain as to whether your method of birth control was safe?
Well, now you can.
Color Outside The Lines
Did you think you’d be having less sex after menopause? I can see how you would.
Menopause could be leading to vaginal dryness, pain, or low libido. But there are solutions!
Get creative. There may be sexual positions that make it more comfortable. You can also go way outside the lines and try a massage, sex toys, and lubricants. There are plenty of them out there.
I know personally, after reaching 50, I quickly realized I didn’t give a hoot what others thought of me or my choices. I am not alone. Many women at this stage of the game are pretty sure of themselves and don’t get caught up in conventional morality. Sex doesn’t necessarily equal sin anymore and that’s pretty liberating. With the newfound freedom we are open to trying out new acts, positions, partners, and—for some—even gender.
Sex With a Passport
If you’re in the ‘Empty Nest’ era of your life, you can take the show to any room in the house. AND, no one is going to come knocking to ask you when dinner’s ready or can they borrow the car. Just keep it off the kitchen floor. No one enjoys that; it’s very cold and hard.
Cirque du Soleil: Take It or Leave It
Every generation invents sex and feels compelled to try every position in the Kama Sutra, or worse, yet, come up with one of their own. By the 50s, you realize most of those positions are dumb and most of them don’t even feel very good. Not to mention the charlie horse or strained muscle you must endure. At this stage of the game, I know what I like and just as important, what I don’t.
Russian Judge Disinvited
By this time in our lives, we are pretty comfortable with who we are and our less than perfect bodies. No one cares if you’re a ‘perfect 10’.
The women having the best and most frequent sex are the ones that exude confidence.
Being self-assured and comfortable in your own skin is an enticing aphrodisiac. Everyone wants a piece of self-confidence.
Party of One
OK, so there’s no partner to be found anywhere. Does that mean you go orgasm free for the duration? Absolutely not.
When we were young masturbation was a ‘dirty’ word. If my memory serves me at all, it wasn’t even a word that was used. (Somehow masturbation didn’t exist back in those days.)
Thank goodness our society has lightened up, at least somewhat, on our puritanical beginnings. Sex toys are great partners and they don’t make messes, talkback, or need to be fed. How perfect is that?
Yes, I know that the media is highly focused on our youth and many of us feel ignored or invisible. That being said, sex, for many of us, is a private matter. As long as we know that we’re still ‘getting it’ and still enjoying it does it matter if no one is talking about it? Wait, we ARE talking about it. And, in my opinion, we should continue the conversation. Not just for the benefit of us (the 50+ crowd); but, for our younger sisters as well.
Jacqueline (Jack) Perez champions change, redefining modern midlife for women through curated content and women-driven brands. Connect with Jack at Kuel Life, where you can share, learn, shop, and play with the Second Act Sisters, and subscribe to the weekly Kuel Life Newsletter for hot topics delivered directly to your inbox.